“Do you know what is the worst job from the World?” Asked me Sarah* on a terrace in Prinsengracht while she puts some sugar to her coffee. It was a sunny day from August 2010.
I replied: “I think it is being a diver on black waters”. She said: “Naah, that is nothing! I tell you: Is being a practitioner on a Colonoscopy test”. I have no idea what is she talking about, so when she saw my puzzled expression, she began with her story:
“I became really sick in June 2009. I was already feeling extremely tired for days. I thought it was because I was working so hard and I had some personal issues which got me stressed out. I’ve tried to be less stressed by going to the gym but that only made me more tired. Then one Saturday of June, I was enjoying a boat trip when I felt like I couldn’t stay awake anymore. I made a real effort to stay at the boat till the end. When the boat trip finished around 19:00 Hrs., I just went straight to bed and slept for about 20 hours. My boyfriend is the type of person that feels that sleeping is a waste of your time, so he woke me up and I’ve made the big effort to stay awake. This was already Sunday afternoon. I just lasted for one hour awake and went straight to bed. On Monday morning I couldn’t get myself out of the bed.
I’ve called the “huisarts” (general doctor) to make an appointment and the assistant told me that the first appointment available was for next Friday. I told her that I needed medicine soon as I couldn’t be in bed waiting for one week as I had important things to do at my job. She told me: “Have a Paracetamol in the morning and another one in the afternoon”. That was it...I didn’t know what to do”.
I asked: “Did you wait till Friday? “. Sarah responded: “Hell NO! I was working on a special project at work so I couldn’t really wait that long”. I replied: “What did you do then?”. She gave me this mischievous look and answered: “I went to the doctor on Tuesday morning on the inloop spreekuur (walk-in hour)”.
After a sip of her coffee, she continues her story: “Probably that is wrong but I couldn’t wait for a week! So I get there, told the doctor my symptoms and told him I didn’t want any Paracetamol. I knew why the way I was feeling that it was much more than taking a stupid little pill. He sent me a handful tests from a scan to a gynecology test, blood test, urine test, etc. Of course, in between test to test past a period of three weeks. You make a test appointment and it always take 2 to 3 days to take it and other 5 to get the results. In the meantime I got some strength back and even if I was still feeling weak I went to work. There were days that I was so sick that I have to tell my supervisor if I could go home earlier. My supervisor was very nice and understood that I was not 100% healthy.
One day all the tests results where back and they couldn’t find anything. Then the doctor told me: “For sure you have an Irritated Bowel Syndrome (IBS)”. He gave me a powder called Movicolon and sent me home with a page written in Dutch over what IBS was all about. As I never doubted my doctor’s diagnose, I just simply started to gather information about that sickness. I got some books, articles, stories, etc. Some of the symptoms were comparable to mine: bloating, sometimes diarrhea, flatulence. I couldn’t eat everything. But there were other symptoms which I couldn’t really read anywhere and that was the constant feeling of being exhausted, sometimes I had blood on my stool or urine, irritability, stomach pain that came and left.
The Movicolon powder instead of helping made me have much more diarrhea. I stopped with it. Went back to the doctor and told him that I was not that sure that I had IBS. Told him everything what I’ve read about it and what I was feeling. Asked him some questions. He just looked at me with that face like: “I don’t know what to do with this woman?” and told me that he was going to give me a medicine called Duspatal which was going to help me with the pain. It didn’t.
I continued reading about IBS and read one article that said if I wanted to be completely sure about it, I needed to have a Colonoscopy test. This is the worse test a human being can do! You lay there while your ass is exposed to strangers (not exactly on a pleasant way) and you get a tube at it all the way in!. Believe me, I thought very much if wanted to do that test for at least two months! How could I do that to myself?”
I burst in laughter. I mean: Really? Sarah was going to do that just to prove the doctor that she didn’t have IBS?
“But I did it anyway. I just wanted to make sure about the doctor’s diagnose. I went to have the Colonoscopy test around December. It was already six and half months after the diagnose and instead of feeling better I felt worse. I was not able to eat properly and I couldn’t have a normal life. Was skipping seeing friends and socialize because I didn’t have the energy to do it. I just simply couldn’t. Going to work drained most of my energy and I was even feeling sorry for my boyfriend. He was very supportive but I couldn’t go everywhere he wanted me to.
So as I told you at the beginning, a Colonoscopy test is the worst job of the world! There were four individuals all looking like doctors but they weren’t. One of these individuals was about 20 years old and he made me change my clothes and put an hospital gown. You know how they are: with a hole at your back. They made me get into this white room with a huge machine and one stretcher. These four individuals looked important with their notes and pens talking softly and looking serious. They asked me to lay on my left side and, of course, expose my ass. The 20 years old kid told me that I was going to feel cramps and have the feeling of farting but that was normal. Okey, normal maybe for him but not for me! Farting in front of strangers...God!
I lay there and noticed a TV screen and realize that they were going to see inside my intestines and have a show about it. I mean...really? Do they need to have that big screen? I just decided to close my eyes and think of something nice: beach, next vacation, flowers, nice food.
While I try to disconnect myself mentally, a tube was getting into my ass. Suddenly I start to feel the cramps which were quite painful. I’ve heard the four individuals changing words about it. I am not understand and don’t want to understand <flowers, beach, next vacation>. Then the feeling of farting comes and I am making a superhuman effort not to do so <mountains, summer, nice food>. While I am finally getting into the disconnected mood, the 20 years old kiddo says: “Please look at the screen”. And I looked and saw the most horrible thing: Looked like a big pink warm with some dirt. Then I realize is inside my intestine. He talked some none sense words to me about it and then he told me that he needed my permission to get a sample. I replied: “get whatever you want but don’t make me watch!”. Closed my eyes again <flowers, beach, MY INTESTINE!, summer, next vacation, THAT WAS INSIDE MY INTESTINE!, nice food, beach, SHIT! WAS THAT SHIT?...>”.
At this point I was even crying of laughter. How horrible experience! I couldn’t believe that it was only to prove the doctor wrong. I ‘ve asked Sarah why she considered a Colonoscopy test the worst job?. She answered:
“After the tube was finally out of my ass, I had the feeling that I was raped. I stood up feeling a bit shame. I asked the 20 years old kiddo how many of those tests they made during the day. The 20 year old kid replied: “It depends: sometimes 10 sometimes up to 20”. Can you imagine seeing inside 10 intestines a day? Can you imagine this 20 years old kid’s answer to a girl he wants to date, about what kind of job he does?”
The result of Sarah Colonoscopy proved that she didn’t have IBS but the doctor was still on denial about it. He gave her some other pills. As Sarah was about to go to a vacation in Bali after the test <beach, summer, vacation> she decided to take the pills afterward. At the vacation she considered the possibility to go to her country in America to get some good doctor or diagnose there. When Sarah came back from vacations, she was trying the pill that the doctor gave her but no with no results. After a week trying the pain that she had on her lower abdomen changed to the right kidney. In one day time she couldn’t walk from the pain. That day she was wrongly diagnosed with Kidney Stones. As next day she had fever and fainted the doctor realize that what she had was Pyelonephritis.
*Sarah is a fictitious name.
I cross my fingers to stay healthy while being in paracetamolland!
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