Changing Attitude

Mari* came to the Netherlands 11 years ago from a small town in Spain. She contacted me because she read my blog and saw that none of the stories I’ve posted so far were positive or showed possible solutions to be more successful with the system. After all, we live in this country and have to try to make the best out of it… So she told me: “I would like to talk about the way we can make things better and make peace with the healthcare system”. Of course I wanted to hear about it!

In our enjoyable Skype session, she started by saying: “What made me suffer more about moving to this country was indeed the healthcare system. Specially the infamous ’10 min. Gespreek’ (10 min. Appointment). First of all, because I didn’t know about it so I couldn’t understand why my doctor (huisarts) got upset if I tried to speak a bit longer. And secondly, because in these 10 minutes I was only allowed to talk about one health problem. Whenever I tried to talk about some other (painful) problem, the doctor would ask me to make a double appointment (20 minutes?) which also probably means you have to pay double. I frequently felt upset and was with the feeling that the doctor didn’t care and didn’t do enough…

I had a really bad experience with my daughter. She was 7 months old when she started coughing day and night and reached 40 degrees Celsius of fever. I ended up going to the doctor every week to hear the same message: 40 degrees was normal and we simply had to wait for the cough to disappear by itself. Two months later, I went on vacations to Spain and when my mom saw my daughter, she told me that I had to take her immediately to the hospital. There, they found out that my daughter had an extremely dangerous virus and they couldn’t understand why the Dutch doctors didn’t act faster….

Since then I avoid to go to the doctor as much as possible… and if I go, I prepare myself well in advance to make sure I get really what I want. The only problem is that I didn’t study medicine and consequently, I don’t always know what I need…

Yes, I used to live upset with the doctors but I learned that the best option is to change the attitude. Perhaps it is because I come from a small town where doctors know you since you were born and are almost part of the family… Summarizing, I was used to be treated like a patient and not like a client. Furthermore, in my culture it’s also possible to complain immediately if there is something you don’t like. Here, being demanding and complaining in the style I was used to, doesn’t work. Here they make me feel that I am just a bit hysterical because even when you complain, it’s not really polite to do it without smiling… So I learned that I had to smile more than I was used to, and by the way, in the process I also learned that a smile, while asking something, has its advantages…

I also think the language is a barrier. They will add “aub., maar, even” (please, but, as) in situations in which we can use the imperative more directly “Ik wil” (I want) without meaning we are being impolite.

Therefore I think that it is important that we have some training when we come to this country regarding of the healthcare system and how it works. We expats have other expectations and need information about it… If somebody would have explained to me all these things in advance, I would have probably been less frustrated and more successful…

Finally, I also believe that the doctor’s attitude is mainly due to the stress the system imposes upon them. Because I think that economical issues, time, but also prevention, are not considered part of the “health equation”… but these are bigger problems that we can probably that about another day…

*Fictitious name